Every time you audit or assess your recent performance or progress, you attack yourself like there’s no tomorrow.
Stop hating yourself. Fix things. Make things better. Improve the conditions and circumstances. Find a solution. Take things seriously and start addressing your issues one after the other. Don’t chill all day long and wonder why you hate yourself. You’re wasting time here and not taking advantage of an opportunity to make a difference in your life so that it stops to suck. If you keep sweeping every problem you have under the rug, and act as if it doesn’t exist, it will keep being piled up and hiding until it’s the right time to attack you. Deal with every issue as fast as you can. This is key. The longer that the problem persists, the bigger the despair that you’re going to feel because of it. Why after all these years I am still dealing with this? Why didn’t it just go away on its own? Why is everything in my life so complex? Why do I have to solve countless complex issues just to get to normal? Why do I have to learn a ton of information to be able to survive? It’s not fair.
Eliminate those obstacles as fast as you can. No one can handle this indefinitely. Get a chance at a normal life and get out of the bad situation you’re stuck in as soon as possible. That is of utmost importance and of crucial urgency.
Negativity, no matter where it comes from, is always wrong.
It doesn’t mean don’t focus on the negative in your life. In your case, it’s everywhere around you, trying to force itself upon you no matter how hard you try. It means that you shouldn’t put up with or expose yourself to external sources of negativity, no matter what these sources are. No exceptions or excuses. Get a better environment. Now. This is an emergency. Make it so that you don’t get bombarded by negativity from all directions all day long with no escape.
My version of staying positive isn’t smiling despite having every reason to feel bad. It’s about having no reason to feel bad at all because the environment that you’ve put yourself in is so positive and uplifting, with no problems at all.