I’m sorry I never told you why. I just gave the order. I didn’t know any better. I just wanted to cram the saving your life material fast enough so that I can finally rest in peace.

I don’t throw random pieces of advice.

This was all an essential formula to get you from A to B.

Like a chemical reaction, the absence of any ingredient would lead to a whole different outcome.

For example, I told you that you should just walk for 30 minutes every day.

The fact that I told you so because this is the only way to get rid of pent up negative energy that comes from your past traumas was never mentioned.

And you think this is about physical fitness.

It’s about not necessarily healing, but getting you into a state where the memories of the concentration camp like childhood is no longer crippling you to the extent of rendering you entirely nonfunctioning.

That’s why you were not told to run instead of that for better fitness results, because, despite not having told you at all, that’s not what I had in mind.

I need you to think during that walking session. Fight with yourself. Fight in your mind. And that cannot be done while jogging. In case of jogging I’m afraid, even if you were still able to think, fantasize, or daydream, your thoughts will be too positive. You’ll avoid such mental breakdowns altogether, just to not spoil the mood.

What I’m trying to tell you here is, everything that I told you to do or not do is not to be trifled with. Not to be taken lightly. Not to be dismissed as nonessential, an exaggeration, or as some hustle culture spirited meme that is devoid of any background of deep wisdom behind it.

I’m not trying to tell you how I succeeded, unlike everybody else.

I’m just trying to make sure you don’t end up like me.