Listen to your own voice, not theirs. The reason why you can’t stop hating yourself no matter what you do is because they will never stop hating you. Don’t fight those voices. Awaken your own.

This is not your opinion. This is what your abusers think of you. You now are an expert in how they think, and you can totally predict what they can think, say, or do in every situation. Don’t do this to yourself. It’s time for you to break free.

You learned how some people think and whenever you attempt to do, say, or think anything, you judge it automatically through their opinion, because you think they have authority over you, and that their opinion, even if wrong, even if you strongly disagree with it, should always take precedence over your own. You should never listen to yourself. You only listen to what they have to say. And you modify your own behavior, thoughts, and words to match and be in total compliance and submission to what you’re told to say, think, or do. And you think that these orders are yours, because they are coming from you now, long after your abusers have left you.

You don’t do this in an attempt to survive. This isn’t some form of adaptation to a toxic environment. This happens to you as a form of warning. You now know what happens in case you decide to defy those orders. You understand, through personal experience, the consequences and ramifications of disobedience. You are well aware of, and you will never forget, what can potentially take place in case you decided to think for yourself this time, and not strictly follow the instructions as to how you should think, feel, speak, act, and behave, for the rest of your life. And that way of thinking, a program, has replaced whatever way of thinking you were meant or supposed to have, in case you weren’t traumatized that heavily.

To you now, it should be clear that whatever thoughts you currently have are not necessarily yours, because a great deal of them are just pandering to what will get you away from being punished or traumatized this time. It is just how they think. These are not your thoughts. This is not some form of inner critic or super ego. And it is time for you to break free from these chains.

If you think there’s something wrong with you that cannot be fixed, that might give you the freedom to do what you want, because you don’t give a damn anymore. But if you thought that there’s nothing wrong with you, now you have to do everything that is consistent with being someone who has a chance to live their best life ever, because there’s no excuse for you now. You might think that by thinking that there’s nothing wrong with you that you will now lose the edge that you had before from not giving a damn anymore, that gives you the advantage of freedom to do what you want carefree without worrying about the future or the consequences of your actions much, and thus you have a greater chance at enjoying your life, because you’re screwed up and now nothing stops you from living it up in a reckless way like there’s no tomorrow. But, as the narcissist can never escape their karma, there’s no escaping your self-loathing. You are not enjoying what freedom can give you to the fullest if all your thoughts are just a regurgitation of what your abusers are very likely to have thought in every single situation. Self-loathing doesn’t give you a lesser version of yourself to play with. Self-loathing renders you totally non-existent. If your thoughts aren’t yours, who am I talking to? You, or a helpless clone of your abusers? What kind of life you think you’d have when all you feel toward yourself is hatred, and all you feel towards your abusers is pure love? When you hate yourself, you will never have any reason to enjoy life or do anything that is good for you. It will be wrong, and you won’t deserve it. You will never have the right to enjoy your life, or do what’s best for you. And it is not because of a mere feeling. It’s because of why you hate yourself in the first place. It’s because you’re bad, wrong, and cannot be fixed into a decent human being worthy of respect, ever, no matter what you do. That is not just a feeling. That is now a reaction to established facts about yourself. And they are facts, my friend, because they came from your parents.