Allow yourself to just be physically present in bed at your sleep time, whether or not you actually fall asleep. Once you set that rule for yourself, it will be way easier for you to fall asleep deeply for the majority of your sleep time because you allowed yourself to not fall asleep at all even if that meant you stay awake for the whole time. You will fall asleep easily when the right time comes and when your body really needs it, feels like it, and was able to do it, simply because you allowed yourself to do the exact opposite of deep sleep the whole time, with no shame or guilt whatsoever.

Wanting to fall asleep deeply right from the start as soon as your head hits the pillow puts you under too much unnecessary pressure and stress, which triggers stress or survival mode, or your stress response, which will certainly make it impossible for you to fall asleep, and will only ensure that you keep tossing and turning in bed for the whole time you’ve designated or allotted for your sleep.

Forcing yourself to sleep does not work.

Allow yourself to just lie in bed, with disregard to what happens, or whether or not you fall asleep deeply.

Allow yourself to just be physically present in bed for the whole duration, even if you don’t fall asleep at all the whole time you were lying in bed.

Give yourself the permission that indicates that it is totally okay to just lie in bed for the whole time doing nothing and accomplishing nothing at all and not falling asleep for a second the whole time you were lying in bed. Make sure you understand that there’s nothing wrong with that, and that this still counts as sleep. Because the whole point of sleep is rest and recovery and being ready for the next day well-rested with full energy.

You don’t have to fall asleep. You just need to lie in bed for eight hours every day.

Your body knows what it wants and needs. It will fall asleep deeply if that is what it really needs at the moment. You just need to give it the space to do so uninterrupted and unchecked, with no pressure whatsoever, and it will happily do so, like a baby.

Your feelings contain information that you need to listen to, on a regular basis.

When your body tries to communicate with you, or make you become aware of something, and you don’t listen to it, but instead, you ignore it for too long, your body might stop trying to send you that message. You might end up thinking in this situation that the problem has been solved, and the thing that your body is trying to make you realize is over now, has been taken care of, and is now gone for good, and is no longer going to bother you again anymore in the future.

You think so, because your body stopped complaining, stopped trying to let you know that something is going on behind the scenes that you need to be aware of. After all, if there’s something wrong, they’ll tell you right away, right? They’ll let you know somehow. They’ll send you a message, a feeling.

No, they will stay silent this time. You ignored them previously. Why should they try to let you know something is wrong or going on when you don’t listen anyway.

They think like that. It’s like the story of the boy who cried wolf.

But that is not the end of the story.

They will not remain silent in an absolute manner.

They will just stop communicating with you and letting you know the stuff that you should know. As in: I just thought you should know. They will stay silent when it comes to that only. They will never tell you what is wrong again, or what needs to change, or what they truly want or desire, or how to make what they want or desire happen. They will stop trying to tell you what you need to know or become aware of.

But they will not stay silent when it comes to other things they think you should know, that do not necessarily serve your best interest. Such as how they negatively feel towards you. Letting you know the stuff that is in your best interest will not stop unless it is replaced by letting you know all sorts of stuff that have nothing to do with what’s in your best interest, which would definitely include all sorts of stuff that is in direct contradiction with what’s in your best interest, and outright harmful or always bad for you. In other words, they will replace telling you the good and important stuff that is supposed to be helpful or beneficial to you with what is the exact opposite of that, the stuff that is always either of no benefit to you whatsoever, or outright harmful to you in every way, shape, or form imaginable.

That includes self-loathing.

I’m trying to let you know here that ignoring what you and your body know is true or is good, important, valuable, or the best for you will always come at a cost, will always lead to several negative outcomes, not the least of which is unchecked self-loathing, low self-esteem, and self-sabotage, or self-sabotaging behavior.

Your mind and body now hate you for not listening. An in return for that they give you all sorts of self hate possible. Excessive criticism, judgment, ridicule, and belittling of everything you do or don’t do, is a core feature. They will attack you all the time, every step of the way, like there’s no tomorrow. Why? Because they hate you. Why? Because you don’t listen. You don’t ever listen to them.

Even if what they have to say is objectively unimportant, inconsequential, and paying attention to it will never make any difference, you still need to listen to it, because it exists.

You have to listen, even if you don’t want to.

Even if you don’t feel like it.