It’s not about how toxic the thing is. Where it’s coming from and who is doing it is all that matters. Don’t look at how manipulative, bad, or toxic the thing is or potentially could be. First, look who is doing it. In some cases, it might be done for real reasons that might justify doing them, no matter what.

Don’t look at how toxic the thing that the narcissist or toxic person is doing to you is. See who is doing it.

The same seemingly toxic thing when done by a normal person might have real reasons. Valid reasons for doing them.

The same amazing thing when done by a narcissist, sociopath, psychopath, or a toxic person will always be a horrible thing. It is meant to hurt you. It is meant to destroy you. It is meant to be used to manipulate you, gaslight you, deceive you, harm you, invalidate you, one way or the other somehow. And like Steve Jobs said, you can only connect the dots usually years later. It is safe to assume that even if it is the most beautiful act, behavior, or thing in the whole universe, you must assume that it is the most evil, harmful, toxic, hurtful, immoral, and bad thing that could ever exist in the whole universe or multiverse, until proved otherwise. It will be used against you at some point in the future, no doubt about that. Even if it’s the most beautiful thing in the whole universe.

Who is doing it, is all that matters.

It does not matter how good or bad the thing is. Where it’s coming from is what counts. Who’s committing the good or bad thing is all that counts. Who’s doing the thing is all that matters.

The same excuse given by a narcissist to get away with their evil deeds every single time could be used by a good person for valid, justified, and real reasons.

They were really stuck in traffic. It was their boss who is calling them late at night. They really had to go to the bathroom. They really are a victim and life has been unusually unfair to them. They really have extraordinary talent, skill, abilities, and intelligence, they just didn’t get a fair chance in life to make the most out of them. They really suffer because everybody else is an idiot. They really have it hard more than usual. They really are struggling so hard to get their life together, and have been trying to accomplish that objective for years, but still couldn’t do it, despite having tried everything. Every single excuse they gave you is real. They never tried to lie to you. You were just programmed to dismiss any of the above excuses as definite signs and symptoms of covert narcissism, so you never listened.

And that’s why they kept being stuck forever, despite being genius, despite asking for help. Despite doing everything right. Despite having what it takes. Despite being a real and genuine, victim.