When and why it’s problematic to get any validation from external sources or from the outside.

The problem isn’t in getting some validation from the outside. It’s not that it has to be exclusively and entirely from the inside or else it’s criminal. It’s useless, invalid, worthless, wrong, unacceptable, or unforgivable. No, you can get some validation for your self-esteem from the outside world. The problem is bigger than just that.

Again, the only thing that can counter absolute psychosis, delusion, or psychopathy is knowing that you are not wrong about your assumptions and beliefs about yourself. Ideally, you should get all your self-esteem or validation from within or from what you say to yourself only. The most healthy way to arrive at any positive or negative conclusions about yourself, your self-esteem, self-image, self-confidence, self-efficacy, whatever that constitutes the self or yourself, identity, who you are, values, and self-concept, is from within, from the inside, and to get the entirety of your validation concerning all or any of these things from yourself or from within exclusively. The ability to know if something is true is key to this. Your ability to determine whether or not something is true, right, correct, or valid is essential to getting any or all of your validation from within. If you cannot tell whether or not something is true on your own, you will never have the capability to validate yourself from within. Any attempts at validating yourself from within in this case will lead to internal validation that is delusional and psychotic unless proved otherwise. It will be false unless proven otherwise. You cannot rely upon it unless you are yourself delusional, ignorant, psychotic, hypocritical, or lying to yourself. Because you cannot know whether or not something is true, on your own. How on earth would you trust yourself or your words about yourself or your self-esteem or any of the above mentioned things if this is the case? If you cannot tell the difference between what is true and what is false?

What happens when you get some validation from the outside is just the fact that you did something wrong or at least not ideal. Or for my perfectionistic friends over here, not so perfect. That’s it. It does not cancel what you get from within. It does not negate your opinion about yourself or what you already know about yourself. It does not mean you are wrong about the beliefs you’ve once had or held about yourself. It does not mean you cannot disagree with those people who have a negative opinion about you. It doesn’t mean anything, except the fact that you got something from the outside instead of getting it all from the inside. The fact remains, trusting the capacity of your internal systems that can generate positive validation and a positive opinion about yourself in and of itself gives the signal that you trust those parts or things within you that can do so, and that gives the green light to those parts of you and tells them that they are allowed to function, think, come alive, work, join the rest of us or the rest of yourself, and do whatever they’re capable of, adding to whatever powers you currently have significantly. Which means, you will always be more powerful, in other words, better, as long as you don’t tell those parts of you to shut up, because they will then completely shut down and stop working for good, because you don’t trust them. They will not just cease to give you internal validation, they will refuse to give you everything else that they are capable of. They will not give you anything else. They will do nothing from now on, because you seem to not need their input. You behave like you don’t care about their opinion, and you want nothing to do with them. You don’t seem to care, and you don’t seem to need them. So they will shut down and do nothing from now on, for good. It is very important to get your validation from within exclusively.

But let’s assume you got your validation once from the outside. It’s not that big of a deal. It’s okay, you’re allowed to make mistakes. Don’t be so hard on yourself. Maybe you needed a little push or a little bit of help. Anyhow, external validation in this case so far will never exceed just being a mere confirmation of what you already know to be true about yourself, because you can tell what’s true, and what’s not.

However, it’s entirely pathological if it comes from the outside in one case. Not because it’s external, not because it didn’t come from within, but because of the total absence of any capacity for or capability of generating, getting, or having any validation from within in the first place. The problem doesn’t lie in the fact that you got some validation from the outside, instead of getting it exclusively from the inside. The issue is much much bigger than just that, in case of a pathological narcissist, psychopath, or sociopath. It is in being unable to get any kind of validation from within at all, even if they wanted to. And that’s why they rely upon external sources of supply or validation that totally exist outside of themselves, because they can’t tell if something is true or not.

Why is this important? Because having understood this, there are bigger things that you need to focus on, absence of which lead to all sorts of pathological disorders. For example, Intelligence. The capacity to have an opinion and be so sure about it. What makes you evaluate stuff better and have a more reliable, accurate, and valid opinion about anything. Intelligence should be your focus. The focus should be upon maximizing Intelligence and cognitive ability, instead of being neurotic about getting validation from the outside. It’s okay to feel good because someone happened to appreciate your beauty or competence once, or every once in a while. You don’t build your whole world on it. Exclusive validation from within is the best way for having a solid unshakable foundation for your self-esteem, self-confidence, self-image, identity, or self-concept. But you’re allowed to make mistakes. And external validation can be considered less than ideal, less than perfect, or not the best way to accomplish that. In other words, not even a mistake. What makes it pathological when done by a psychopath, sociopath, antisocial person, borderline, or a narcissist, is the fact that they can’t get it from within, even if they wanted to, so whatever validation they can ever get has to always be either exclusively from the outside or totally false, that is, delusional, whether from within or from external sources or from the outside. Because they cannot know if something is true or not on their own. Cognitive deficits are a fundamental core to or issue in psychopathy, sociopathy, antisocial personality disorder, and narcissism. It’s impossible to have a psychopath, sociopath, antisocial individual, or a narcissist without cognitive, not just emotional, deficits. That is the real issue. That is what makes external validation pathological. Even if the external validation in these cases is factual, reliable, true, accurate, and trustworthy, they can never tell on their own that it is so, and thus, all sorts of external validation there is will always serve one purpose, and one purpose only, which is to enhance, confirm, expand, validate, and maximize their delusions.