Who are you going to blame for this kind of insecurity that you’ve planted within yourself to get along with the average person this time? Society, or yourself?

Let me tell you about induced low self-esteem or insecurity. You might find that a lot of the things that you think you’re bad at or that count as faults, flaws, shortcomings, or weaknesses about you really have no grounds in reality. They have nothing to do with reality. They’re just made up, and they were all made up by you. Fabricated. In order to make you look human, normal, not so arrogant, sure of yourself, or flawless, or like everybody else. Because no one is perfect, right? So you had to maintain a dumbed down or watered-down diluted version of yourself, in order to not scare everybody away from you, because there must be something wrong with you, like all of us, or else you’d be definitely an insecure lying individual with serious inferiority complex issues. So you played along. And after years and years, you believed your own lies, and substituted them for reality and the real truth about you.

To say that the overwhelming majority of your insecurities that are hard to shake out of you through any amount of positive self talk are of the aforementioned nature unless proved otherwise would be an understatement. Whatever insecurities you have about yourself that came from the outside, you’re aware that they’re not factual. They’re not true. But conditioning, manipulation, and gaslighting paved the way for them to take full control over you. They are hard to change, but you’re not responsible for them. You’re not responsible for their existence. And you want to make them go away, because you can’t live like this, questioning every move you make, every thought that you think, every decision you make, and every action you take or don’t take, and lead a healthy normal life. You understand this, and you’re carefully aware of the magnitude of the problem. And you definitely understand how virtually all of your problems would disappear in an instant if you could make such indoctrination that you’ve been through or got exposed or subjected to go away. But the twisting of reality that you did to yourself in order to appease others by trying to look and be humble, what are you going to do about this? And who’s to blame for that mess you’ve created?

Being lesser than what you really are doesn’t make you any special. It just makes you, sadly, like everybody else.

Don’t begin your day with the fun stuff first. Focus on getting the difficult and really challenging things first, and then you can rest, have fun, or enjoy yourself all you want afterwards.

If you have fun first, you will be limiting your options later on. If for example you’ve had enough doing any sort of activity that regenerates your energy today, without you really needing to at the moment, you won’t be able to resort to that activity again later on as something that you can easily do to get back to feeling normal again.

Your mood will be dependent on doing these things. If you are already in a good mood, you might find yourself suppressing yourself from experiencing or enjoying that good mood, because you’re supposed to only get there when your morning routine is over. You are supposed to only feel good after the fun stuff, after doing something that makes you feel better, not for no reason. You can’t just wake up and be in a good mood, because you have to do something that gets you to that kind of mood. That is dependence, and it will happen habitually, because the habit says feeling good is your reward for finishing the morning routine. If you are not allowed to feel good unless you have fun first or do something that you enjoy that justifies you feeling that good, you will be unable to feel good for no reason, and whenever you are in a good mood, your body will suppress that, because you are not supposed to feel good yet. You are supposed to do something in order to earn it. The problem isn’t in trying to get into a better mood if you’re in a bad mood by doing something that fixes your mood, because you’re supposed to be able to fix your mood on your own without having to do anything to achieve that objective. There’s no prize for being able to get your mood higher without the help of an external activity that facilitates the process. The problem is in being unable to enjoy the good mood that you already have because you are supposed to only get it as a result of completing your morning routine or only after having ample fun first. If for example you consumed your options for having fun today, you will have nothing to get you into a better state later on when you really need it. If now you really need to have fun or enjoy whatever activities that make you feel good, but you’ve already limited your options for today, because you’ve had enough of any of the suggested activities or fun stuff that you can do that day that can improve your mood or how you feel, you’ll end up being helplessly stuck in that negative state. You can’t exercise any further today. You’ve already had enough gaming for one day. You’ve already finished your morning routine. You’ve already meditated more than enough today, you can’t meditate any further today without going crazy. You’ve already taken a shower. You’ve already had sex. You’ve already eaten your favorite meal. There’s nothing left that could get you to a better mood that you haven’t done already today to the extent that doing it any further today will be boring and might make your mood even worse than it currently is. You ran out of options. You ran out of fun activities. You’ve ran out of entertainment. And now you feel trapped. You only have two options. Either continue to work, or go to sleep. Even doing nothing as a form of rest while staying awake has already been done more than enough today, also without really needing to do it, until you can no longer resort to that kind of solution to your mood or negative state problem.

Don’t eat dessert first, or else you’ll end up having nothing to replenish your energy with when you most need it.