Why you keep failing at getting your life together, despite doing everything right, and aiming for and focusing on the positive outcome you’re after, and the beautiful end result you truly want.

Fix your life’s problems.

Trying to get to a better mood or be happy following your passion, doing what you love, or working on your life’s purpose or highest aspirations while having problems that are sucking the life out of you, causing you massive amounts of mental, emotional, psychological, or physical pain, draining your energy or happiness, or lowering your mood or mental health for any reason whatsoever is like pouring water into a bucket with a lot of holes in it. It will never remain filled up, and after a while you’ll feel like nothing you do ever works. You will feel hopeless and helpless, because no matter how hard you work on stuff that is supposed to make you happy, you feel nothing. And sometimes you even feel worse, right after doing anything whatsoever that used to make you feel good in the past.

There’s nothing wrong with pursuing your passions, doing stuff that makes you feel good, or going after the life that you want. There’s nothing wrong with any of that, and there’s nothing wrong with you, necessarily.

But you are denied access to happiness for a single reason. Your life sucks to an unlivable and intolerable level, and you refuse to do anything about it. Until you fix the damned bucket you will always be in endless and perpetual pain and suffering, and nothing that you ever do will ever help or work.

It’s not because we’re hardwired to avoid pain instead of focusing on pursuing pleasure. It’s because pain sucks the reward, happiness, and life out of you, and that’s why it’s painful. Nothing in this case can make you happy or be in a positive state. Because the problem isn’t in the lack of positive stuff in your life, but is in the abundance of negative stuff in your life. And that’s why it makes sense to aim for avoidance of such negative stuff and eliminating it altogether like it’s the purpose of your life.

No amount of pleasure, success, or happiness can help you bypass that or lessen the urgency and importance of eliminating the negative stuff out of your life that destroys your happiness every single time you start feeling good.

That has nothing to do with your nature or evolution. This is the only course of action in this case and under these circumstances that makes sense, and that is not totally insane.

Eliminate negativity out of your life, before trying to establish or reach any type of positivity or positive thing or outcome whatsoever in your life, no matter what.

It is pointless, hopeless, and impossible to do otherwise, even if you got outside help.

And eliminating the negative does not necessarily mean avoidance of toxic or abusive people only, for example.

You can think of the negative in this case as absence of being surrounded by positive, awesome, uplifting, happy, successful, inspiring, amazing, and good people in your life. That is a gap that has to be filled. A negative. Eliminating it will lead to no longer being alone, disconnected, or lonely after you eliminate all negative, toxic, abusive, narcissistic, sociopathic, or psychopathic people out of your life completely and for good. You will end up with the positive intended outcome that you want by focusing on eliminating the negative entirely out of your life, one outrageous negative thing at a time. It is inevitable.

But why not just approach this by trying to focus on attaining the positive outcome instead from the start?

Because the amount of negativity in your life is overwhelming, and will always drain you, suck and deplete your energy, and drag and weigh you down, until you fail, especially when you try to think of, get to, or aim for, something positive.

Aim high. Do not let anyone make you aim smaller or lower in life, for any reason whatsoever. Live up to your full potential. Always stay true to your most authentic self. Dream big, and do what you want. There’s nothing wrong with you.

You are playing small, because you think there’s something wrong with you. 

Because you think you’re bad, not good enough, or filled with shame, you don’t aim high. You play small. You know your place. And you’re not actually settling, you think this is what you deserve, because you’re bad, and there’s something wrong with you. 

You are playing small, and you never live up to your full potential, or even one percent of your full potential, because you think you are small, bad, and not good enough. Because you are filled with shame. Even if you believe none of the above is true, consciously. Even if you believe there’s nothing wrong with you and that you are good enough on a conscious level. 

When you are surrounded by people who insist upon instilling and inculcating in you the unshakeable and firm belief that there’s a ton of stuff that is seriously wrong with you all the time, compared to the rest of us or normal people or society at large, you are going to hate yourself, and that self-loathing will be insanely crippling, and you will end up being unable to do anything whatsoever, let alone aspire for big things or a better life. 

Environment is everything. Even more important than mindset.

When you are bombarded all the time with attempts to belittle you and make you think less of yourself, you will end up picking any random trait, characteristic, or thing you have or that is unique to you or special about you, and think that you are eccentric, weird, crazy, bad, always wrong, or mentally ill because of it. Anything. Anything can fill this void or gap, and could be considered what is truly wrong with you from the start all these years. Even if this thing is the very thing that’s right with you.

Even if there’s nothing wrong with you or with this thing whatsoever, because you have been treated like garbage for years for some reason, and you don’t know what is that reason, and you don’t know why the abuse and belittling was taking place all those years in the first place, and so you end up blaming it on any random traits or characteristics that you have from the start, and end up thinking that this must be what’s wrong with you, and that this bad thing you always have, explains all the abuse, criticism, hate, and belittling you’ve always received, for as long as you can remember.

And so you end up living your whole life thinking that you have to suck at something, anything, even if there’s nothing that you cannot do. Even if you are extraordinarily genius. And that’s why, because of that flaw you have, or supposed dozens of flaws you have, you end up playing small. Too small. Tiny. Even if there’s literally nothing wrong with you, whatsoever.

And you still don’t want to go no contact with all of your abusers.

No amount of positive thinking or mindset will help you with that, and you will have zero energy all the time, if you are stuck with unlivable circumstances or a horrible situation or environment, no matter what.

It’s not about having energy. 

It’s about accomplishing your goals by any means necessary. 

It’s about fixing your life, getting your life together, and getting to the kind of life that you truly want and that is most true to your most authentic self. 

It’s about getting to a kind of life that gives you energy, as opposed to trying so hard and moving mountains in order to have more energy now when your life sucks majorly in order to have enough energy to make your life better and fix your life. 

You have to fix your life and get your life together first, before you can have energy. 

The whole point of hating your life now is the fact that it depletes your energy before you even get started. Before the day even begins! And that’s why you feel like nothing ever works for you, and that you’ve tried everything and still you can’t make any difference. Because the very nature of your current circumstances, environment, and life is energy depleting in and of itself, and so you feel you have no energy or motivation to try any solution, even the ones that you know will definitely work. 

Trying to have energy before you fix your life is like trying to swim against the tide. You may be capable of doing it, but don’t be surprised that it sometimes may not work. 

Get your life together first, and reach the kind of life that you truly desire first, and then you will have an abundance of energy that will always blow your mind, because for the very first time in your whole life, you and your inner child, are both equally and genuinely, happy. 

Sometimes less is more. More energy demanding in this case, which means you’ll burnout in this case prematurely and instantly, because you’re doing less. Or at least despite doing less. Burnout is not the enemy. Lack of achievement, results, and outcome is.

People think that when they do less, they’ll have more energy.

They will keep their energy longer in storage, because they are spending less of it as time goes by.

But contrary to whatever they told you, slowing down and spending less is not the answer. It will not cure the constant perpetual sense or state of fatigue or exhaustion you have all the time, before the day has even started, before you ever do anything.

Burnout does not come from doing too much.

Burnout comes from doing too little.

Feeling like you’ve done nothing, or accomplished nothing all day long, or all year long, is what’s depleting your energy all the time, not working too much, not doing too much.

Remember, the problem is accomplishing nothing all day long, or all year long, or all your life. Not doing nothing all the time, or not working long or hard enough.

Doing more or working long or hard enough does not get you out of that perpetual sense of exhaustion or alleviate burnout. Results do. Achievement and accomplishment will do. If that is what you mean by doing more, then so be it. We’re in agreement here. But if you think working more, harder, or longer but still accomplishing nothing will be the answer to burnout or perpetual exhaustion, you’re wrong. That’s not quite what I had in mind when I said doing more is the answer.

And this is for a simple reason. You are spending too much energy all the time even when what you’re doing is simple and easy, because you are not fulfilled. You are low on reward, Dopamine, and Serotonin. And that’s why everything seems harder, and that’s why everything depletes your energy instantly. You are pushing yourself to do everything, even if it is supposed to be incredibly easy.

Doing less will not help you with that, because you have no energy to begin with.

But when you feel fulfilled, rewarded, and high on your sense of accomplishment and achievement, the floodgates will open, and everything you do will take infinitely less energy. Which means it will be insanely hard for you to hit burnout, if not impossible. Not because you’re doing less, but because you’re doing amazing.

Allow yourself to just be physically present in bed at your sleep time, whether or not you actually fall asleep. Once you set that rule for yourself, it will be way easier for you to fall asleep deeply for the majority of your sleep time because you allowed yourself to not fall asleep at all even if that meant you stay awake for the whole time. You will fall asleep easily when the right time comes and when your body really needs it, feels like it, and was able to do it, simply because you allowed yourself to do the exact opposite of deep sleep the whole time, with no shame or guilt whatsoever.

Wanting to fall asleep deeply right from the start as soon as your head hits the pillow puts you under too much unnecessary pressure and stress, which triggers stress or survival mode, or your stress response, which will certainly make it impossible for you to fall asleep, and will only ensure that you keep tossing and turning in bed for the whole time you’ve designated or allotted for your sleep.

Forcing yourself to sleep does not work.

Allow yourself to just lie in bed, with disregard to what happens, or whether or not you fall asleep deeply.

Allow yourself to just be physically present in bed for the whole duration, even if you don’t fall asleep at all the whole time you were lying in bed.

Give yourself the permission that indicates that it is totally okay to just lie in bed for the whole time doing nothing and accomplishing nothing at all and not falling asleep for a second the whole time you were lying in bed. Make sure you understand that there’s nothing wrong with that, and that this still counts as sleep. Because the whole point of sleep is rest and recovery and being ready for the next day well-rested with full energy.

You don’t have to fall asleep. You just need to lie in bed for eight hours every day.

Your body knows what it wants and needs. It will fall asleep deeply if that is what it really needs at the moment. You just need to give it the space to do so uninterrupted and unchecked, with no pressure whatsoever, and it will happily do so, like a baby.

Your feelings contain information that you need to listen to, on a regular basis.

When your body tries to communicate with you, or make you become aware of something, and you don’t listen to it, but instead, you ignore it for too long, your body might stop trying to send you that message. You might end up thinking in this situation that the problem has been solved, and the thing that your body is trying to make you realize is over now, has been taken care of, and is now gone for good, and is no longer going to bother you again anymore in the future.

You think so, because your body stopped complaining, stopped trying to let you know that something is going on behind the scenes that you need to be aware of. After all, if there’s something wrong, they’ll tell you right away, right? They’ll let you know somehow. They’ll send you a message, a feeling.

No, they will stay silent this time. You ignored them previously. Why should they try to let you know something is wrong or going on when you don’t listen anyway.

They think like that. It’s like the story of the boy who cried wolf.

But that is not the end of the story.

They will not remain silent in an absolute manner.

They will just stop communicating with you and letting you know the stuff that you should know. As in: I just thought you should know. They will stay silent when it comes to that only. They will never tell you what is wrong again, or what needs to change, or what they truly want or desire, or how to make what they want or desire happen. They will stop trying to tell you what you need to know or become aware of.

But they will not stay silent when it comes to other things they think you should know, that do not necessarily serve your best interest. Such as how they negatively feel towards you. Letting you know the stuff that is in your best interest will not stop unless it is replaced by letting you know all sorts of stuff that have nothing to do with what’s in your best interest, which would definitely include all sorts of stuff that is in direct contradiction with what’s in your best interest, and outright harmful or always bad for you. In other words, they will replace telling you the good and important stuff that is supposed to be helpful or beneficial to you with what is the exact opposite of that, the stuff that is always either of no benefit to you whatsoever, or outright harmful to you in every way, shape, or form imaginable.

That includes self-loathing.

I’m trying to let you know here that ignoring what you and your body know is true or is good, important, valuable, or the best for you will always come at a cost, will always lead to several negative outcomes, not the least of which is unchecked self-loathing, low self-esteem, and self-sabotage, or self-sabotaging behavior.

Your mind and body now hate you for not listening. An in return for that they give you all sorts of self hate possible. Excessive criticism, judgment, ridicule, and belittling of everything you do or don’t do, is a core feature. They will attack you all the time, every step of the way, like there’s no tomorrow. Why? Because they hate you. Why? Because you don’t listen. You don’t ever listen to them.

Even if what they have to say is objectively unimportant, inconsequential, and paying attention to it will never make any difference, you still need to listen to it, because it exists.

You have to listen, even if you don’t want to.

Even if you don’t feel like it.

Stop competing with your past self and any of its accomplishments. Add to it. Expand upon it. Even if the rate by which you’re making progress is far less than it ever were before.

Instead of competing with your past self, add to the progress that it made.

Instead of thinking hey, I was so productive at that period of my life, I can’t do that now or be as good or highly productive as I was back then, and so I should think that whatever that I accomplish these days is never going to be enough, think how can you increase the amount of achievement you’ve already made happen in the past. Add to it. Expand upon it. Quadruple it. Instead of competing with it as if you’re two separate people who get nothing from the success of the other person. Trying to achieve in a way that makes sure that you did not achieve at a lesser level or rate than you did in the past is always coming from a place of competing with your past self, as if you’re two separate people, who don’t benefit from or get anything out of the success or the accomplishments of the other person.

Why are you doing that?

And if you fall short, you think less of yourself, or you think you are not trying hard enough. You are not doing enough. You are not moving the needle forward enough. You’re of insufficient moral character. You’re declining. You’re becoming weaker or worse as time goes by. Your best days are only behind you, and you will never be as good as you ever were in the past, no matter what, even if you’re still young as ever.

You seem to have forgotten the fact that you didn’t accomplish all of this in one day. You seem to be forgetting that you did not start out having a vision of accomplishing all this in mind.

You started gradually, and it snowballed from there. You started small. And you had no idea you’d end up accomplishing any of what you did. And now your past success is crippling you, holding you back in place, because you can’t compete with it. You can’t do that again. You can’t do something as huge or amazing as whatever that you’ve accomplished or reached in the past again, no matter how hard you try.

You forgot how you did it, and so you thought that it is impossible to be replicated again now or in the future.

But what if you did not try to be as good as you were at any moment in the past. What if you looked at it and said: I’m glad I did all this. Let’s add more to it. Even if it’s not at the same level of productivity, creativity, or quality, it still means that the overall progress you’re making is increasing gradually, on a consistent basis. And that’s not nothing. That is all that matters.

Think of it as making more progress, as opposed to competing with the rate by which you were making progress in the past, because sometimes no matter what you do, you can’t seem to be able to beat that again, no matter what you do, or how hard you try, at least for the time being.

Embracing your Creativity did not create your problems. It just exposed them.

Remember, creating more might make you feel like you have more problems, or make you feel bad, sad, or in a depressed mood, perhaps even frustrated or angry all the time, not because this is a natural thing that happens the more creative you become, or the more you create stuff, but because it makes you expand your awareness and raise your standards.

Creating more just gave you a boost to your intelligence and awareness that makes you able to realise how messed up your life really is. 

Creativity did not create that sadness or that screwed up life or bad circumstances. 

It just made you more stimulated and capable of becoming aware of these things.

It made you see your problems clearly. 

It made you notice why your life sucks. 

It made you see why your circumstances are unlivable and horrible, and that you can no longer tolerate that. 

Creativity did not bring those reasons for suffering to being. It just made you know that the only thing that is preventing you from raising your standards is the nature of your life and circumstances. 

Creativity did not create those circumstances and reasons for your suffering. They were there from the start with disregard to whether or not you’re creative. 

You just became rewarded enough to be able to become aware of those circumstances and reasons why your life sucks, and highly intelligent enough to no longer gaslight yourself when it comes to whether or not your life really sucks. 

The higher your intelligence, the lesser your tolerance to negative circumstances and painful stuff will be.

You cannot access those neurons that can detect why you are suffering and why your life sucks without enough Dopamine, Serotonin, and reward, and you got that from being massively Creative. 

Giving more time and energy to creative expression does not create more problems. It simply gives you the mental capacity to see them as they are, and feel more pain because of them, and no longer be able to tolerate any of them. All of this requires higher intelligence, stimulation, energy, Dopamine, Serotonin, and sense of reward. 

Stop associating Creativity with pain. Stop associating Creativity with failure in life. It has nothing to do with Creativity, no matter how time or energy consuming Creativity can be. 

There’s no excuse for not being Creative. 

If you are creative and you are not making the most out of your creativity, you are doing so on purpose. It is your decision, and I don’t know why you chose to do so. 

You have to settle for producing mass quantities of creative output, even if at the expense of quality, in order to be able to produce high quality creative work or output later on.

Build momentum first, even through low quality output, progress, or work, and then focus on what could be done to reach the desired higher quality.

Without enough momentum and reward, you won’t be able to go so far. You will find yourself spending hours and hours and blowing off endless amounts of energy just trying to get a single piece of creative work perfect, just because you find it too hard to think and use your abilities, as if you’re trapped inside yourself, unable to move, because you are still low on reward or sense of achievement and making progress.

In the end, you’ll find yourself exhausted from the start, with little to show off as the final finished product. You will accomplish way less, with much greater energy consumption or drainage unnecessarily, or you will do less with more energy unnecessarily. You will spend most of your energy doing less creative work for no reason, just because you started off with zero dopamine, reward, or sense of accomplishment, which is not necessarily your fault, and ended up with very low energy, because you failed to generate enough momentum, because you didn’t accomplish enough recently to satisfy your creative needs, because you took too much time and energy trying to get less work done, because you focused on higher quality attainment from the start, at the expense of quantity.

And you cannot generate enough momentum without higher quantity. Create more first, and then worry about creating better. You cannot get to high quality creative output without high quantity creative output. It’s impossible. Not because you need more practice to develop your skill and sharpen your creative potential and abilities, but because you need more reward, dopamine, and serotonin, or sense of achievement, accomplishment, or fulfillment that is consistent and frequent enough to keep you over a certain minimum baseline of reward, dopamine, serotonin, or sense of accomplishment, achievement, reward, or fulfillment that is enough to keep you able to use your powers and creative potential or abilities in the first place, which you cannot create high quality creative output without.

You cannot access your higher powers and intelligence if you are not rewarded enough to begin with. You cannot create anything that is not absolute garbage if you are low on reward from the start. And you cannot get yourself off of reward rock bottom, without having enough quantity of creative output on a regular basis. And you cannot get that quantity of creative output without compromising on quality, at least only when you’re still starting out. That is, the very first few pieces of content you create and publish have to be low quality, even if you have the skill, talent, ability, and creativity to create massive quality creative output from the start, because you are still low on dopamine, serotonin, reward, and sense of accomplishment, achievement, and fulfillment. You have to settle for less and lower your standards of creative output quality, until your creative genius kicks in. You think it is always going to be that hard forever, but that’s not true. The problem is that you do not believe that a higher quality of functioning and life exists, once you start reaching higher levels of reward, dopamine, serotonin, and sense of accomplishment, achievement, and fulfillment. You say no from the start to putting in the work, because everything is pure labor for you, because you are always low on dopamine and the above mentioned stuff. And you are judging that it’s not worth it, based upon your previous experience, which was all a struggle to get the simplest of tasks done, because you are perpetually too low on everything. Everything depletes you in an instant. So why bother.

The solution isn’t to become more powerful.

The solution is to create more, and faster, even if at the expense of quality, in order to build that momentum.

This has nothing to do with perfectionism. This is just you being low on reward, momentum, sense of creative accomplishment or achievement, and dopamine and serotonin. 

Sometimes less is more. That should be about quality, not quantity. At least at first, when you’re still just getting started.

“Let the past die. Kill it, if you have to. It’s the only way to become who you were meant to be.” – Kylo Ren

Aiming to go back to what you were like before your traumas took place is not the way to go about your healing. 

There’s something about going back to your old self that does not sound so appealing to you, and that’s why you encounter some sort of resistance every time you try to do it. 

Deep down inside, you know you failed because you were your older self.

Trauma is about being helpless in a situation where you feel powerless and having no control over any of the painful or negative stuff that is traumatising to you. Going back to your old self will only ensure getting traumatised again in the future if you happened to find yourself in such a traumatic event or situation again. 

You don’t have to go back to your old self in order to heal.

That’s why you think that you’re doing everything right and you’re still not making any progress towards your healing.

Remember, even if you were traumatised through no fault of your own, you failed in the past when you were your old self, whether or not your old self was the reason behind that failure.

You have to evolve, one way or the other, in order to make sure that this kind of trauma or any trauma whatsoever can never happen to you ever again, no matter what. That’s the only way you can heal, for good.

Self empowerment is the only way to go here. Self-improvement, not just self-love and acceptance. You have to become more powerful. You have to. 


Stop trying to go back to your old self. 


“Don’t wish things were easier, wish you were better.” – Jim Rohn 


If you only knew the power of the dark side…

Obi-Wan never told you what happened to your father.

He told me you killed him.

No, I am your father…