You are failing with girls not because there’s something wrong with you, but because you’re too good to be true. Embrace it, and make the most of it.

We’re fast. Super fast. Incredibly fast, compared to the average human being. 

I know you can’t jump around the map because Lion is going to stun you, so you have to farm BKB before you move around and join fights, and during that farming time, you think you’re slow, because you’re doing something boring, because to have fun, you need a BKB, and to get the BKB, you need time. 

But you have no idea how much your mind is racing like crazy during that AFK farming period. 

You need to finish fast, otherwise the enemy shadow Fiend will end the game, and you won’t be able to stop him. 

And when you’re ready, you become even faster. 

Now why the higher your MMR, the worse you become with girls? 

Because games up there are significantly faster than in low MMR. Not just with less mistakes, but faster. 

Now what do girls really like? 

A guy who is slow, languid, moves intentionally, one move at a time, does one thing at a time, puts down his glass slowly, not rushed, and then picks up his phone. 

One slow thing at a time. Charismatic. Speaks SLOWLY, deeply, confident, not rushed. Has all the time in the world. 

Stares her in the eyes like the world doesn’t exist, and keeps looking into her eyes without getting distracted. 

You have been trained to look at the minimap multiple times every second, if you’re high MMR. It’s game throwing behavior to look at one thing only right in front of you and forget about everything else taking place around you on the screen even with disregard to the minimap. 

I have tested it a gazillion times. If I ping my teammates signaling to them who to attack now or what to pay attention to, they instantly start winning every single team fight. Not because I’m Genius, but because low MMR people literally don’t see what’s happening RIGHT IN FRONT OF THEM, much less the minimap, much less having awareness of the entirety of the map, even the parts that are not showing right in front of them, or on the minimap because it’s hidden through fog of war. 

They do everything right once I tell them hey look at this. LOOK AT THIS happening Right in front of you. Through pinging alone, without telling them what it is, or what to do about it. Suddenly they know how to fall back to avoid the blink Axe initiation. Without me pinging retreat, just pinging on where Axe is standing, pinging his blink dagger, or pinging Axe is missing twice in chat. 

High MMR people don’t need that. In fact, THEY end up being the ones pinging me to wake me up, and tipping me because I died to something that they saw happening from miles away that could’ve been easily avoided if I wasn’t that braindead. 

I like that. I don’t want high MMR because I’m better. I want high MMR TO BECOME BETTER. 

That’s the difference between me and you guys. I treat DotA, as my Jedi training. 

Everything the establishment says is wrong with you, is actually what’s right with you. ~ Garrett John LoPorto 

You are not losing with girls because you suck. You are losing because of how superior you are to the rest of the population. 

Not to mention how dangerous and aggressive being a high MMR DotA player generally makes you become like. 

So you stand there with a very strong face terrifying to girls, with no chill idiotic smile like the rest of the braindead cool guys that are “good with girls”, in front of a stunning twenty six year old girl and you don’t know what to say because you only know how to play, act instead of talk, get things done instead of tell a story or make a fun joke. Bored to death by the endless void of nothingness taking place in the in-between moments and pauses, finding that the girl on the other side is feeling pressured to respond quickly enough before your brain explodes in those few seconds before she says something. So you distract yourself with your phone while talking to her, and girls want your “presence”, and full undivided attention. Calm, collected. Emotional control. Never gets angry. Never reacts. 

The average DotA player is ALWAYS angry. 

That’s my secret, Cap. I’m always angry. ~ Dr. Banner 

We don’t learn to have emotional control. We learn how to release our anger to crush our enemies. 

Now release your anger. Only your hate, can destroy me. ~ Darth Vader 

We master our anger and hate to become stronger and win fights. Girls want someone who NEVER gets angry. Who never gets involved in fights even verbally, because that means “he’s not safe and has no emotional control”. 

Well, you should learn to control your temper. ~ Belle 

In short, all the attributes and characteristics that make you a great DotA 2 player, makes you suck with women. Especially when it comes to the characteristics of a high value man that are most attractive to women. 

Even if you have all the muscle in the world, or all the money in the world. 

The boiling perpetual rage is there all the time. I need to kill invoker. One more time. 

But there is a way. 

A characteristic that gives you the edge. 

What you’ve become, after all those years, of playing DotA. 

The ability to win unwinnable games. 

The man who rallies his teammates to victory, in games where the winning chance of his team according to the system, that rarely makes mistakes, is no more than ten percent. 

The guy that when the announcer declares Roshan has fallen to the dire, says in team chat wheel Relax, you’re doing fine, twice. 

Who wards in front of the base, despite being the carry, in preparation for high ground defense. 

The guy who to the surprise of his whole team, turned out to not be trolling them this whole game. Turned out to be someone who knows how to fight. Who knows how to make a comeback happen, by any means necessary. 

The guy who when he dies with three of his teammates randomly in the triangle, but then the whole enemy team walks high ground to end, only to die to the minefield carefully laid down by our evil genius techies, yells at the top of his lungs: 

YEAH BITCH. MAGNETS! ~ Jesse Pinkman 

A guy who has history. Experience. Battle scars, even if all emotional. Who laughed with strangers on his team at a teammate who fed badly in the jungle and got tipped by the whole team. But we still won together. 

A guy with character. True character. And true competence.

A guy who moves mountains to save his supports, because he understands that they are extremely squishy and easy to kill late game even when six slotted. 

A guy who suffered, and understands suffering. A guy who has seen it all. 

A guy Who fought countless battles, and endless wars, and came out alive and much stronger. 

You do not need to learn how to talk to girls. 

You just need to be you, fully you. 

She will see it all in your eyes, and she’ll melt instantly. She’ll realize this is a guy like no other. No one she has ever seen before is like him. None. 

Nothing, nothing, can ever compete with that. 

She will melt in your presence, because she has never seen something like that ever before. You’re irreplaceable. And she can feel it all. 

You don’t need tactics. You do not need game. 

You just need to play DotA.