How self-loathing might keep piling up and accumulating behind your back despite you doing everything right, and despite you doing everything in your power to win and make things better.

Sometimes self loathing occurs not because you’re being so hard on yourself, but because you’re attacking yourself the same way that you anticipate others will do once you get more exposure to criticism from other people. To you that will happen after you hit success. That’s why the more you put yourself out there, the more you work, the more you might feel the self loathing increasing. It’s not coming from you because you’re a fraud. You’re not an imposter, you’re not fake, and you’re not worthy of that criticism, or too bad to try to be out there, necessarily. It’s not that you don’t belong there, you are not worthy of success, or that there’s something wrong with you that means you should or are right to hate yourself. This is what they think. This is what they think of you, and you are just anticipating that in advance since you know how they think and how they usually criticize others. According to them, these things they criticize you by saying are true. But that doesn’t make it true. It doesn’t even make it your own opinion. You are just foreseeing what they will think of you. You are just aware of what they will think of you in advance, and you are panicking because of that prematurely. And because of that, you are hating yourself in advance, increasingly, the more you post. The more you put yourself out there. The more work you publish, and the more you show up. Not because what you’re doing is wrong or because you shouldn’t do it, but because of how others will judge you or think of you. Because of the criticism. That guilt you might be feeling, it’s not true. It is not to be believed, because it is arising, even though you haven’t done anything wrong at all. What’s new about that is that instead of being fully aware of the fact that you’re just afraid of other people’s negative thoughts or beliefs about you, and that’s why you become afraid of public speaking or putting out videos, you don’t think of other people as the origin of your self loathing thoughts. You, in this case, might feel only the self loathing piling up, the more you post, and think it’s coming from yourself, and your own negative thinking or bad mindset. The more you expose yourself to the possibility of getting more feedback from others at scale, the more the self loathing and imposter syndrome symptoms tend to increase. And it comes with emergency type fear that makes you feel guilty for not having moved away to safety. Like you’re engaging in self sabotaging behavior the more you put out content. Realize that this is not your opinion of yourself. It doesn’t mean you still need to work on your self love issues, necessarily. This is what you are afraid others might think of you or say about you someday, once you become more successful and significant enough to get any real deal criticism or significant judgment or feedback. This is coming from getting ready for hate comments, before they even show up. Don’t quit because of that. This is just the warm-up session.


The self loathing might also come from the fact that you’re posting consistently but you are not seeing any results yet. You’re not getting there, no matter how hard you try or how long you’ve been trying. Despite doing everything right, and putting in all this effort. Which makes you look like the problem here and your body thinks that there’s something wrong with you, to discourage you from wasting all this time and energy for nothing, and from trying hard all those years and then ending up nowhere. So your body tries to stop you from even trying, by telling you there must be something wrong with you, to discourage you from going in that direction any further only to get no results. Also because of you, your body thinks, we are failing. And so your body starts to hate you for not being competent or good enough to not take all that long to get there, when everybody else seems to get there in no time. And hence, the self loathing, for feeling or thinking that you’re never good enough. That you don’t have what it takes. And the evidence you have for that is the fact that you still haven’t made it yet. If you were good enough, you would’ve made it by now. You would’ve succeeded long ago, like the others. This is how your self-loathing works.